Well, I promised at least some more discussion on the songwriting progress here in Nashville, but I have to begin by saying my precious Seahawks lost the Superbowl a few short minutes ago, and I'm sad. They played very well though, and the teams were evenly matched. I don't have any hard feelings against the Steelers, but as much as everyone raved about their defense, I have to say that Seattle's defense was great too, and there were some bad calls made tonight that hurt them pretty badly. BUT....no dice this year. My boys in blue did their best. I've never been a big sports fan, but the '05 baseball season was exciting as I was allowed to be an honorary Sox fan for Michael's sake. Then, when the playoffs started for football, I was rooting consecutively for the Bears and the Seahawks to do well (Not to be sexist but I guess it seems like women can get away with having such traitorous feelings, our ambivalence is more 'allowable' - men are more die-hard about their teams!?) and I was pleased they made it to the Superbowl at all.

On to music. The writing process, as I think I mentioned a bit in yesterday's blog, is very different when writing with someone else. I've always written my own material exclusively, and the only person I've ever used as a sounding-board on a few occasions is Michael. I never thought that co-writing would allow for songs to remain personal, since no two people can share the exact same experience, or view something exactly the same way. However, having said that, there's a beauty to the discipline co-writing requires. The one goal Matt and I are trying to achieve with these songs we are doing is to push me into popular territory so that once I've been noticed or established on a larger scale, my other original songs can gain a wider audience as well. Wrapped up inside that goal is the absolute intention to retain my artistic integrity, which is a dime-a-dozen term that is thrown out there a lot these days, but which is the best term I can think of to express what I'm feeling.

When we start a song, we actually go for a rhythm track first. We're using rhythm samples from the best programs in the world. We layer and edit them for a precise feel, even choosing a tempo for the loop. Honestly, as the songs are now, they remind one more of Moby than, say, Sarah McLachlan. We're using a lot of inorganic sounds to create an intense feel, but when the songs are actually recorded, most of the tracks we are writing will be re-recorded with acoustic instruments, so the drive will remain, but the feeling will become more organic. The rhythm tends to draw a certain 'feeling' out, leading us to either pick up a guitar, or lean into the keyboard. Once the chord progression starts to take shape, we tweak it little-by-little as each of us come up with ideas. Generally, Matt will sit and play our chord progression over and over again, as I start taking notes on lyrical ideas and I pick up the little hand-held tape recorder and hum melodies into it as they come to me. Concurrently, we're building the format for the song. NEVER before have I worried about song format. I understand various song formats, I've read about them, analyzed them, and basically thrown them out the window when it comes to my own music. My songs speak through me - I've never been all that disciplined about tearing them apart and shuffling them around to fit the commercial format. However, amazingly, it does lend a certain freedom to the process when you start only with a musical concept, and immediately force yourself to decide how many bars of a certain theme you're going to allow for a verse, whether you're going to put in a bridge or simply tag a different theme onto the end, etc. Depending on how long your melodic ideas are, much of the format 'places' itself. Once things feel right, (and keep in mind we're checking the 'clock' to see if we sit in prime radio-length real estate) you start finalizing and refining the melodic ideas you've been tossing around. The lyrics have been coming last. I had thought that lyrics would be the most difficult, and in some ways they are, but NOT for the reason I had anticipated. Generally I have been throwing out a nearly completed line, and then we refine them together. I've enjoyed the way that having another person there allows you to discuss the direction of the song, make sure you're sticking to the theme, etc. It's been interesting, and incredibly enjoyble. I can't believe how different and yet still MY style the songs are...I am really glad I'm having the opportunity to do this with Matt. I've probably made this sound like a science, not very romantic at all, but for all my worries about being stymied and feeling like these songs have no hart, I find the creative thrill is very much alive even in writing songs this way.

The differences in the above-described process from my usual process are: I never worry about form when starting a song; I almost always have separate lyrical and melodic and chordal concepts running around separately in my head and marry them later when something suddenly 'clicks'; I never take notes or discuss my ideas or themes, lyrics usually are spit out of me rapidly after an experience or feeling occurs about which I feel compelled to write; and I never worry about how long or short the song is. I find value in both methods, structured, unstructured, disciplined or entirely free.

We will probably have most of three songs done and a fourth song started by the end of this trip. On my next trip, which will be either late March or early April, we will finish writing, and also start laying down the final tracks on these songs. I have a feeling things will continue to be altered long-distance as the songs have a chance to sit like a good stew. The lyrics, in particular, will probably go through several more iterations.

Well - I'm off to get a good night's sleep. I am so energized during our sessions and then all of a sudden my body lets me know I've been using more energy than I thought I had. Good night....

Wow! Here I am in Nashville with some time to spare between writing sessions, thinking about how amazingly this year has begun.

The first thing that comes to mind is the show we played in Versailles, MO at the Royal Theater, which I don't think I will ever forget. If I could spend an entire year travelling to little cities of this size and play shows for crowds this friendly and appreciative, I would actually consider it an ideal way to tour. I've played for bigger crowds (the theater holds 300 and was nearly full) but rarely has the entire experience seemed so...easy, and completely centered around the art.

When we arrived, we met Elvin, who helped us load in our gear, and along with his son and daughter, mixed our sound. His family is full of accomplished bluegrass musicians, so we were working with people who understood our needs, were efficient and responsive, and utterly friendly. The theater, which was a converted movie theater and still had the decorative neon lights along the aisle walls and a big black velvet curtain in front of which we played, was beautiful. It is now a playhouse and performing arts theater, so we had a huge green room/dressing room, (hot water from the sink to warm our hands!) and was connected to a large storefront next door where they do art shows and community events. There was a stained glass art exhibit the night we played so all the season ticket holders browsed through the art next door and partook of snacks and beverages before heading to our show.

We planned an intense two hour set. The crowd was also interested in hearing a little about me, where my career is headed, where I'm from, and the stories behind my songs. It was such a refreshing change of pace to play to an audience where - no exaggeration - you could hear a needle drop. It was also - no kidding - a bit disconcerting. Every slip of finger on string, every flick of the Djembe, every step, every sniffle, every cough, every whisper of my breath, was heard. As a performer you become more conscious, and it draws more out of you, but you also have to be careful not to become SELF-conscious in the extreme, which is difficult when suddenly everything that is normally muffled by the drone of clinking classes and filtered through the haze of cigarette smoke is suddenly crystal clear and Dolby.

I played only with Michael and BA, and we really played to each other's strengths. The songs were allowed to beathe in that sparser surrounding, and the recording of the night turned out really well. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those cuts end up as bonus tracks on the fan club site or elsewhere.

The trip itself was memorable, because we also had our photographer Kevin Dingman along for the ride, and his sense of humor lends a whole new ambience to the experience. (And let's not take for granted the fact that he continually and uncomplainingly donates his time to photograph us - any of you who've visited the website have seen much of his work). Three of my longtime listeners (and now friends) from Columbia, Mark, Melissa, and Jeannine, went out of their way not only to attend the show but to sell merchandise for me. I KNOW I'm not very good at selling and promoting my own music - I don't know what that says about me, but I have a hard time doing it for some reason - but these three are a force to be reckoned with. Since many in the audience were of an age where I didn't anticipate they'd feel the need to take the CD home with them, I was pelased and surprised at the great sales, and it's due to Jeannine, Melissa, and Mark. I know I say it ad nauseum, but I am blessed beyond measure for the people who surround me and believe in me.

Perhaps the most enjoyable part of the evening was finding a little local restaurant at which to eat dinner. It's the type of place where you've got to try the special because you know you've never tasted anything like it and never will again - each small town seems to have a slightly different take on something you've eaten thousands of times in your life. To the rear of our table sat Elvin and his family, so we ocassionally bantered over our shoulders at them. Right as we got up to leave, a group of four friendly retirees at the table to our right who had been eating their dinners unassumingly said to me, "don't start the show before we get there!" I figure about half of the people eating there that night were headed to our show afterward (and yes, they knew who I was)! You can't PLAN that kind of experience....it was too cool.

This year is also starting out well, as we got booked to play Senator Chuck Graham's birthday party at MoJo's, started a new recording project with the Hilary Scott Band, and finalized the publishing deal (which I am this very day working on) in Nashville with Matthew Wilder, among other things. I am hoping to write about our first recording session at the Bridge Studio and the current Nashville project today or tomorrow when I get more time to blog; you might hear more blabber from me than you have in a while, which could be good or bad, you choose. Right now I am planning on watching a brainless flick so I am fresh for tomorrow. We've been spending 8 hours each day writing, finishing a song a day - and laying tracks at the same time. It's intense, but invigorating. I never knew creativity 'on demand' could actually be so nearly effortless. Ironic, eh?

GO SEAHAWKS! (I might be watching the SuperBowl with Nashville singer-songwriter Steff Mahan who I just met at the recent Columbia show she played at MoJo's - she's a peach to invite me when she doesn't know me from Eve, but hey, I can't celebrate alone!)

OK - I deserve to be drawn and quartered, or at the very least flogged a bit, for my complete lack of attention to this blog spot. I apologize, because so much has happened. The end of the year flew by in a blur or shows; December was amazing with another incredible Martini Bar show, an appearance at the University of Missouri bookstore, a private party at Grindstone Fitness studio which was incredibly fun, and of course the amazing First Night celebration we played just two nights ago at the Historic Missouri Theater.

Michael and I spent quite a bit of time contemplating the set list for that show, and after viewing the videtape taken of the show, I don't think it could have gone better. Here is the list:

Blind Me
Sugar Bomb
Hallelujah
Road to Hope
Long Ride Home
Blessed
You Electrify Me

The energy flowed perfectly, and as the theater was nearly full, the crowd was noisy and appreciative, which made me feel like a million bucks. Despite having had a rough, stressful day, and having just gotten back from Chicago late the night before, I can honestly say it was one of my best performances in months. Adding to the night was the fact that someone who has heard me play 2 or 3 times in Champaign-Urbana (his name is Gary, by the way!) drove down through St. Louis, picked up a friend of his, and the two attended our show. Not only were they pleased to see us play, but they had great things to say about the city of Columbia's First Night celebration overall. Columbia may be small, but we are blessed with a plethora of things to do, and great people who support the arts and the artists that create them.

After our show, we were feeling a little high (au naturale of course) and we headed to a party we had been invited to several weeks before. We had trouble not going to 3 other parties we'd also hoped to attend, but the night is only so long. We ended up at Danielle Johnson's home, where we ate great food (hmmmmm....can we say it was my last chance to gorge before my New Year's resolution, which happens to be the same every year, takes over?) drank amazing alcoholic concoctions, watched and sang along with some funky karaoke, and eventually ended up outside, in a car, listening to incredibly great music, very loudly, on the stereo. What I love about the Rubins and the Johnsons (Danielle was a maiden Rubin and is now a married Johnson - and by the way, her husband Sephus is a total sweetheart too) is that, like me, much of their lives revolve around music, literature, and the arts in general. You don't have to worry about small talk with these people, there is always something of depth to discuss. And Jason, Danielle's brother, and I, always trade suggestions for great music. My life is so much better for knowing these people (and my other friends whom I've met through Oakland - Leia, Helen, Lori, the list goes on!).

As for 2006 - it has entered with a bang, and I sense great things on the horizon. We have started brainstorming our band's upcoming recording project, which will begin within the next 2 months. The song list is difficult to pare down, since I have many new songs and a handful of highly-demanded covers that could be included. But we will persevere! We hope to pre-sell the CDs, plus a limited-edition t-shirt, plus inclusion in the CD credits plus a private invitation to a pre-CD-release party with the band and other people who've bought the 'package' plus who knows what else, for interested persons.

I should also be heading to Nashville before February comes to begin the next project with my producer, if all goes well.

I know I am forgetting much, but my computer is slowing down and I am concerned that perhaps it will cut me off before I have published this blog. I think there must be a small, but very hungry animal living in my hard drive, whose primary diet is ram. I will, as always, try to write more soon. Sorry!

Last night we returned to one of our favorite venues; the Martini Bar in Columbia. I am extending a huge thank you to all the friends and fans that came out, the house was packed and it was such an incredibly welcoming sight. We saw many new faces, as well.

Melissa, Mark and Jeannine, three people who've followed the band and my career for a long time now, were there to congratulate me on the 'pending' offer by Sony Records. I am making this my 'official' statement that neither I, nor the talent scout who's shopping my music, can make any guarantees as to when or IF this will actually happen, but the news that my press kit has made it through executive channels (farther than I ever dreamed) is extremely good news and adds to the general excitement and momentum of everything else that's been happening. Melissa, Mark and Jeannine gave me the sweetest card congratulating me on my achievements, and also a beautiful yellow-flowering plant. (Easy to care for, as they made sure to specifiy, since it's probably self-evident that I might be forgetful about tending to things other than my career - even though I do feel my career is a living, breathing being as well!) :) The plant seemed a metaphor for new beginnings, and the need to nurture anything that has the potential to grow and blossom, which is the direction I always hope my music is taking.

I was also fortunate enough to see a group of my friends who I care for dearly, in the crowd. One of these special people was Jon Rubin. I've written of Jon before. He was severely injured in a fire this spring. To see him move from the point of near-death to the place he was in last night, happy, content, and free, with that same beautiful smile on his face, was so uplifting to me. I dedicated 'Hallelujah' to him, since he was the one who sang it to me many months ago and inspired me to cover it myself. He's taught everyone who knows him so damn much...and it's our duty by him to never forget what he went through.

It is easy to get mired when life's roller coaster takes one of its downward dips. But I am repeatedly reminded of my blessings....they are many. Last night was one such blessing. And I will say thanks to the three audience members, who, after hearing my tequila story from last weekend, bought me shots. Was I a better entertainer for y'all after that? :) Seriously though, when the audience hears the stories, responds, and involves themselves, it obliterates the separation between perfomer and audience member. And I'm a big believer in everyone knowing how thin that line is, anyway! Just as a negative comment overheard from the sideline can completely ruin your moment onstage, so can a positive comment, a requested song, a hush that falls, make the whole night worthwhile. We know you're out there, we see you, we hear you, we're not immune to your comments and feelings. Stages are an illusion, lights are window-dressing. We're people trying to communicate with you; and it's so beautiful when you let us.

Wow...another month gone by between postings. Since we sent out the October 1st fan newsletter, I've gotten offers from people in various cities ranging from Boston to Doniphan to help with my Hurricane Relief idea. I still intend to record 'Blessed' as a single, get 'sponsors' to donate a certain amount of money that would go with the CD to a charitable organization such as Habitat for Humanity, where the money would be utilized for the rebuilding process in the affected cities, and the CD (signed by the sponsor and myself) would be distributed to people who might find some comfort from the lyrics of the song, which seem poignantly applicable to the recent tragedies. I've had people who had relatives in the path of the hurricanes approach me at gigs and say 'I wish so-and-so could hear that song.' Comfort and assistance is what I hope to bring to the table through my music....

Along those same lines, (those of comfort through music) the band and I had a gig this weekend in Kansas City at a venue called Knuckleheads. I've got to say, first off, that we've been treated so well at venues this month. At the Schluckbier fest in Fayette on October 8th we had the coolest green room and tastiest shrimp and ribs ever, plus chocolate cake to die for. Everyone involved in the event was first-class, so kind and generous. I hope that festival lasts for years and years to come. This past weekend at Knuckleheads we were in extremely good company as we looked at the promotional pictures of all the famous blues musicians who've played there, hanging on the walls of the green room, which was equipped with air-conditioner, TV, radio, fully stocked fridge, and sofa. We were also well fed, and treated like gold by Frank and Steve and Radar, who gave me the coolest free tees at the end of the night. (I also gained an honorary coolness point by being allowed to get my picture taken on the Knuckleheads' Harley.) The crowd was loud and racous, but extremely appreciative and we hope to be back there soon. BUT....I said I would get to the comfort through music part; I'd better get back on track.

Our sound man, Pete, who I didn't know had heard my music at all prior to Saturday night, had an amazing request of me before we began our third set. He asked if we would play 'Find Heaven' for him. I told him we'd played it in the first set (I thought maybe he just hadn't heard it.) Turns out, he had heard it the first time, but had also been pretty involved in dialing in the sound still, and he wanted to be able to sit back and really listen to it a second time through. The day before, he'd been to a funeral for a friend's teenage son who had been killed in an accidental shooting. The story broke my heart. (Grif, a member of the band, had also suffered a loss that I had learned about just that same day). All of a sudden, the meaning of the words to that song, (which I used to have trouble even getting through since I had written it for my brother after he died) became somehow...BIGGER. As I've said before, songs grow beyond the person who wrote them, when they head out into the world to be used and interpreted by others. And suddenly, our third set became this amazing blend of sound and emotion, and everything came together perfectly. It was one of those "this is why I do this and this is enough" moments. (And I promise it wasn't the tequila Radar had given us talking.) :)

So thanks to Pete, (who in an instant made everything I do worthwhile by requesting one of my songs to bring him comfort) Radar (happy birthday again by the way - who has been one of my biggest fans since we played Davey's in KC a couple years ago and who said so many kind things and who was ready to give up his paycheck to get us to Knuckleheads, but luckily didn't have to!) Steve (thanks for taking us 'across the tracks' so to speak), Frank (who took a chance on us 'not-strictly-blues' musicians), and dozens of other people I met that night who treated us with respect. Thanks to my bandmates, who share the van, the music, and the life with me. Thanks to Kevin and Sam, people from Columbia who came to KC to be part of things, and thanks to anyone who EVER travels for one of our gigs....it's a special sort of honor to see your faces in the crowd. The list of people who have touched me in my life is longer than the distance from here to the moon, and again, that's probably just shy of not being an exaggeration. (See if you can figure that one out.)

The moments of being reminded of why we DO what we love and why we LOVE what we love, are the moments where life is most real. I've been in a humdinger of a bad mood today, and just writing this puts me nearly back in that place...