Wow...another month gone by between postings. Since we sent out the October 1st fan newsletter, I've gotten offers from people in various cities ranging from Boston to Doniphan to help with my Hurricane Relief idea. I still intend to record 'Blessed' as a single, get 'sponsors' to donate a certain amount of money that would go with the CD to a charitable organization such as Habitat for Humanity, where the money would be utilized for the rebuilding process in the affected cities, and the CD (signed by the sponsor and myself) would be distributed to people who might find some comfort from the lyrics of the song, which seem poignantly applicable to the recent tragedies. I've had people who had relatives in the path of the hurricanes approach me at gigs and say 'I wish so-and-so could hear that song.' Comfort and assistance is what I hope to bring to the table through my music....
Along those same lines, (those of comfort through music) the band and I had a gig this weekend in Kansas City at a venue called Knuckleheads. I've got to say, first off, that we've been treated so well at venues this month. At the Schluckbier fest in Fayette on October 8th we had the coolest green room and tastiest shrimp and ribs ever, plus chocolate cake to die for. Everyone involved in the event was first-class, so kind and generous. I hope that festival lasts for years and years to come. This past weekend at Knuckleheads we were in extremely good company as we looked at the promotional pictures of all the famous blues musicians who've played there, hanging on the walls of the green room, which was equipped with air-conditioner, TV, radio, fully stocked fridge, and sofa. We were also well fed, and treated like gold by Frank and Steve and Radar, who gave me the coolest free tees at the end of the night. (I also gained an honorary coolness point by being allowed to get my picture taken on the Knuckleheads' Harley.) The crowd was loud and racous, but extremely appreciative and we hope to be back there soon. BUT....I said I would get to the comfort through music part; I'd better get back on track.
Our sound man, Pete, who I didn't know had heard my music at all prior to Saturday night, had an amazing request of me before we began our third set. He asked if we would play 'Find Heaven' for him. I told him we'd played it in the first set (I thought maybe he just hadn't heard it.) Turns out, he had heard it the first time, but had also been pretty involved in dialing in the sound still, and he wanted to be able to sit back and really listen to it a second time through. The day before, he'd been to a funeral for a friend's teenage son who had been killed in an accidental shooting. The story broke my heart. (Grif, a member of the band, had also suffered a loss that I had learned about just that same day). All of a sudden, the meaning of the words to that song, (which I used to have trouble even getting through since I had written it for my brother after he died) became somehow...BIGGER. As I've said before, songs grow beyond the person who wrote them, when they head out into the world to be used and interpreted by others. And suddenly, our third set became this amazing blend of sound and emotion, and everything came together perfectly. It was one of those "this is why I do this and this is enough" moments. (And I promise it wasn't the tequila Radar had given us talking.) :)
So thanks to Pete, (who in an instant made everything I do worthwhile by requesting one of my songs to bring him comfort) Radar (happy birthday again by the way - who has been one of my biggest fans since we played Davey's in KC a couple years ago and who said so many kind things and who was ready to give up his paycheck to get us to Knuckleheads, but luckily didn't have to!) Steve (thanks for taking us 'across the tracks' so to speak), Frank (who took a chance on us 'not-strictly-blues' musicians), and dozens of other people I met that night who treated us with respect. Thanks to my bandmates, who share the van, the music, and the life with me. Thanks to Kevin and Sam, people from Columbia who came to KC to be part of things, and thanks to anyone who EVER travels for one of our gigs....it's a special sort of honor to see your faces in the crowd. The list of people who have touched me in my life is longer than the distance from here to the moon, and again, that's probably just shy of not being an exaggeration. (See if you can figure that one out.)
The moments of being reminded of why we DO what we love and why we LOVE what we love, are the moments where life is most real. I've been in a humdinger of a bad mood today, and just writing this puts me nearly back in that place...
October 18, 2005
September 13, 2005
Underlying everything I've done over the past couple of weeks is a sadness about Hurricane Katrina and her victims. This Saturday, I get to contribute in some small way, by participating in the Martini Bar's Hurricane Relief fundraising concert. My set is at 10:30pm, and there will be other great bands playing, all proceeds and donations go to relief for hurricane victims. Happening so close to the 4-year anniversary of 9-11, the overwhelming devastation hits me doubly hard.
This past week has also been an eye-opening experience in other ways. I've felt so great about where my career is going, and things have been so wonderful, I guess I needed a reality check. This past Friday I received tickets to the Grammy Association's Missouri Demo Review contest in St. Louis. The literature said that even if we were not one of the ten finalists chosen for live review by judges that night, we'd have access to talk to the judges during the concert, to give them our demos and press kits. (These judges are all heavily involved in the industry, we're told.) First of all, two of the judges didn't even show! Even more disappointing was that of the ten finalists, only one was female, and 7 of the 10 finalists were in the same genre. (Hip-hop/rap). I have absolutely nothing against hip-hop, but it certainly wasn't a representative group of ten artists to have 70% of them be from one genre, and 90% of them were from one gender. Furthermore, we were sort of 'held hostage' by the people putting the program on, because contrary to what they'd said in the invitation, they would not allow us to speak to the judges while the show was happening, they wanted us to stay until after all 4 bands had played (this would be about 1am when they would finish) and then the judges would set up a booth and accept a FEW demos. Everyone there (other artists) who I talked to was livid and felt very misled. However, at one point, our favorite judge of the evening (a gentleman who was from Memphis and not only has ties to the record industry but books for Memphis House of Blues) came out on stage for a moment while the second band was setting up. My promoter Tim and myself were on it! We approached him, expressing our dismay about the nature of the evening, the misleading way the night had been described, and told him we'd appreciated his comments during the demo review. (He kept repeating that he wanted to hear something new, something original, something that broke boundaries - he was disappointed by the 10 finalists.) He immediatley took my press kit, along with several copies for the other judges, and mentioned that he would talk to us further about getting booked at the House of Blues/Memphis. So, all was not lost, and we ended up leaving at 10:30pm, instead of waiting until 1:00am and possibly being disappointed and still having to drive nearly two hours back to Columbia. The moral of the story was that just because something has ties to a professional and well-respected organization (The Grammy Association) doesn't mean the people in charge of it are professional. It was a poor reflection of what the Grammy Association tries to do to help artists.
The biggest disappointment was that, believing this night would be a help to my career, I cancelled our appearance at the Habitat for Humanity kick-off (the home being built entirely by women) which had been scheduled for the same night. I had hoped (and still hope) they could find another night sometime during the home-building process to have my band back to be part of things, since the Grammy Demo Review was a one-shot deal, and you had to be there or you'd forfeit your rights to any awards or anything else you might receive. The coordinators of the Habitat for Humanity event were extremely understanding and said they'd do the same thing in my shoes, but I am huge on honoring previous engagements and I felt terrible, especially since it is a cause I very much believe in. So, I cancelled something important to me, possibly letting down some local people I wanted to help out, for this event. I know there's no way I could have known, but perhaps it will prompt me to do a little "investigating" next time something like this comes down the pike. They made it sound SO great in the invitation, but it was much less than great, to say the least.
Anyhow, there are some positives on the horizon. Our fall/winter calendar is rapidly filling, and we're playing in some great venues, including ones in Kansas City and Chicago. My promoter Tim, and booking agent Jane have been really helping us out. I also recently got some more good news from both Nashville and some 'mystery news' I can't disclose at this time, but I hope to be able to shout it to the hills at some point this coming year.
Finally, to all my fans who've made the move from the Yahoo fan club to the new Belltown-hosted site, thank you! It's hard to get the word out, and we're still working out a few kinks, but the new site is beautiful, interesting, full of great options, and we definitely hope everyone checks it out.
Please keep the hurricane victims (and all people in need who you come across in your life) in your thoughts. Take action when you can. Boundaries are imaginary, and we are not truly separated from other people. We never know when that 'other person' could suddenly become our parents, our children, our siblings, our spouse, our friends, ourSELVES.
This past week has also been an eye-opening experience in other ways. I've felt so great about where my career is going, and things have been so wonderful, I guess I needed a reality check. This past Friday I received tickets to the Grammy Association's Missouri Demo Review contest in St. Louis. The literature said that even if we were not one of the ten finalists chosen for live review by judges that night, we'd have access to talk to the judges during the concert, to give them our demos and press kits. (These judges are all heavily involved in the industry, we're told.) First of all, two of the judges didn't even show! Even more disappointing was that of the ten finalists, only one was female, and 7 of the 10 finalists were in the same genre. (Hip-hop/rap). I have absolutely nothing against hip-hop, but it certainly wasn't a representative group of ten artists to have 70% of them be from one genre, and 90% of them were from one gender. Furthermore, we were sort of 'held hostage' by the people putting the program on, because contrary to what they'd said in the invitation, they would not allow us to speak to the judges while the show was happening, they wanted us to stay until after all 4 bands had played (this would be about 1am when they would finish) and then the judges would set up a booth and accept a FEW demos. Everyone there (other artists) who I talked to was livid and felt very misled. However, at one point, our favorite judge of the evening (a gentleman who was from Memphis and not only has ties to the record industry but books for Memphis House of Blues) came out on stage for a moment while the second band was setting up. My promoter Tim and myself were on it! We approached him, expressing our dismay about the nature of the evening, the misleading way the night had been described, and told him we'd appreciated his comments during the demo review. (He kept repeating that he wanted to hear something new, something original, something that broke boundaries - he was disappointed by the 10 finalists.) He immediatley took my press kit, along with several copies for the other judges, and mentioned that he would talk to us further about getting booked at the House of Blues/Memphis. So, all was not lost, and we ended up leaving at 10:30pm, instead of waiting until 1:00am and possibly being disappointed and still having to drive nearly two hours back to Columbia. The moral of the story was that just because something has ties to a professional and well-respected organization (The Grammy Association) doesn't mean the people in charge of it are professional. It was a poor reflection of what the Grammy Association tries to do to help artists.
The biggest disappointment was that, believing this night would be a help to my career, I cancelled our appearance at the Habitat for Humanity kick-off (the home being built entirely by women) which had been scheduled for the same night. I had hoped (and still hope) they could find another night sometime during the home-building process to have my band back to be part of things, since the Grammy Demo Review was a one-shot deal, and you had to be there or you'd forfeit your rights to any awards or anything else you might receive. The coordinators of the Habitat for Humanity event were extremely understanding and said they'd do the same thing in my shoes, but I am huge on honoring previous engagements and I felt terrible, especially since it is a cause I very much believe in. So, I cancelled something important to me, possibly letting down some local people I wanted to help out, for this event. I know there's no way I could have known, but perhaps it will prompt me to do a little "investigating" next time something like this comes down the pike. They made it sound SO great in the invitation, but it was much less than great, to say the least.
Anyhow, there are some positives on the horizon. Our fall/winter calendar is rapidly filling, and we're playing in some great venues, including ones in Kansas City and Chicago. My promoter Tim, and booking agent Jane have been really helping us out. I also recently got some more good news from both Nashville and some 'mystery news' I can't disclose at this time, but I hope to be able to shout it to the hills at some point this coming year.
Finally, to all my fans who've made the move from the Yahoo fan club to the new Belltown-hosted site, thank you! It's hard to get the word out, and we're still working out a few kinks, but the new site is beautiful, interesting, full of great options, and we definitely hope everyone checks it out.
Please keep the hurricane victims (and all people in need who you come across in your life) in your thoughts. Take action when you can. Boundaries are imaginary, and we are not truly separated from other people. We never know when that 'other person' could suddenly become our parents, our children, our siblings, our spouse, our friends, ourSELVES.
August 23, 2005
Our vacation in the Northwest was amazing...hiking, swimming, kayaking, sailing, eating! I got to see family, college and high school friends, wrote a new song, and learned some covers I've been wanting to add to my repertoire for a while. A month seemed like a long time when we planned our trip, but it certainly flew by. We are ready to get back into the swing of live shows, with plenty of dates coming up this fall and winter. Our promotions rep, Tim, is doing a great job of filling every Saturday through December; we're well on our way to being booked every weekend.
Last Wednesday I went to a Little Feat concert with my guitarist, BA, at this lodge in Steeleville. It was an amazing venue, as only about two hundred people could crowd into this room to see Little Feat playing in front of a fireplace, three feet away from where we were all dancing. Anyhow, we arrived early in the afternoon so that BA could help with set-up for Little Feat's merchandise display. (They have a very dedicated 'street team' of fans that help them with various things when they're on tour. Any musical group should aspire to the level of contact and friendship that Little Feat has with their fans.) I sat and watched things for a while, and also had a chance to talk to a couple members of Little Feat who remembered me from when my band opened for them in Kansas City and Columbia. Then we were invited to grab our guitars and head out on the porch for an impromptu jam session with some musicians from California. We played and sang a lot of classic rock songs. After a couple hours sweltering in the amazingly oppressive heat and humidity, we headed inside for dinner. We luckily had "free passes" to attend the show and dinner, but the draw for other people was the very cool package deal that the lodge owners offer: dinner, two nights at the lodge, and the show for a great price. The owner brings many famous musical acts to this lodge every year. Dinner was fantastic, and with a full belly and a glass of wine in hand, we headed out to watch the most intimate show I've ever seen played by a famous band. Little did I know the shock of my life was to come!
While dancing and enjoying the show, I suddenly saw Shaun (LF's female vocalist) approaching me from the stage, walking into the audience and holding the microphone towards me. I sang a couple lines: "Take a load off, Annie. Take a load for free. Take a load off Annie, and put the load right on me!" It was fun, hilarious, and totally unexpected. At the end of the show, Shaun invited me up again to sing Dixie Chicken. Embarrasingly enough, I didn't know all the words, but when I was able to sing (be it lyrics or oooooohhs) the 3-part harmony of the "Chickettes" sounded pretty sweet! I can say it was one of the great honors of my life and I will always remember it. One of BA's friends bought me a Little FeatCD and ordered me to memorize all the words should I ever be called upon to sing with them again! The show was fantastic and I couldn't keep my eyes off the band, as each member left me with an impression of incredibly mastery and skill. They're the best....
This past weekend, Michael and I attended a very special celebration for Jon, the friend of ours who was burned in a fire. (I've written of him before). It was a birthday/graduation/life celebration, and when Jon's sister and dad spoke about him after dinner, there was not a dry eye in the room...and I was overcome with memories of that scary and difficult time. But as hard as it was for the people witnessing it, it was that difficulty multiplied by a million for Jon, who fought with courage and grace. There are no words strong enough to describe what he went through, and he truly is recovering amazingly. I am so happy for him....he's a great guy with a full life ahead of him.
After Jon's party, we drove to southern Illinois where much of Michael's family was gathered for a get-together. Centralia, Illinois is home to a great hot-air balloon fest. I've never seen so many hot-air balloons gathered in one place. At night, the pilots "lit-up" their balloons so we could watch them glow, and then in the morning they flew the balloons right over the park. Seeing so many colorful, beautiful balloons flying through the air at once was amazing. I have a newfound respect for them (and their pilots) after seeing what it takes to get them filled, hoisted, and airborne. I'd definitely like to ride in one someday.
I'm ready and excited for a fall filled with music...the band just got back together for a rehearsal last night after not playing for over a month, and as always, our 'home-comings' feel so good. We're working on new arrangements, several new songs, and planning for the unprecedented 'Holiday show' we're playing in December. All I can say is there WILL be costumes...look out!
Last Wednesday I went to a Little Feat concert with my guitarist, BA, at this lodge in Steeleville. It was an amazing venue, as only about two hundred people could crowd into this room to see Little Feat playing in front of a fireplace, three feet away from where we were all dancing. Anyhow, we arrived early in the afternoon so that BA could help with set-up for Little Feat's merchandise display. (They have a very dedicated 'street team' of fans that help them with various things when they're on tour. Any musical group should aspire to the level of contact and friendship that Little Feat has with their fans.) I sat and watched things for a while, and also had a chance to talk to a couple members of Little Feat who remembered me from when my band opened for them in Kansas City and Columbia. Then we were invited to grab our guitars and head out on the porch for an impromptu jam session with some musicians from California. We played and sang a lot of classic rock songs. After a couple hours sweltering in the amazingly oppressive heat and humidity, we headed inside for dinner. We luckily had "free passes" to attend the show and dinner, but the draw for other people was the very cool package deal that the lodge owners offer: dinner, two nights at the lodge, and the show for a great price. The owner brings many famous musical acts to this lodge every year. Dinner was fantastic, and with a full belly and a glass of wine in hand, we headed out to watch the most intimate show I've ever seen played by a famous band. Little did I know the shock of my life was to come!
While dancing and enjoying the show, I suddenly saw Shaun (LF's female vocalist) approaching me from the stage, walking into the audience and holding the microphone towards me. I sang a couple lines: "Take a load off, Annie. Take a load for free. Take a load off Annie, and put the load right on me!" It was fun, hilarious, and totally unexpected. At the end of the show, Shaun invited me up again to sing Dixie Chicken. Embarrasingly enough, I didn't know all the words, but when I was able to sing (be it lyrics or oooooohhs) the 3-part harmony of the "Chickettes" sounded pretty sweet! I can say it was one of the great honors of my life and I will always remember it. One of BA's friends bought me a Little FeatCD and ordered me to memorize all the words should I ever be called upon to sing with them again! The show was fantastic and I couldn't keep my eyes off the band, as each member left me with an impression of incredibly mastery and skill. They're the best....
This past weekend, Michael and I attended a very special celebration for Jon, the friend of ours who was burned in a fire. (I've written of him before). It was a birthday/graduation/life celebration, and when Jon's sister and dad spoke about him after dinner, there was not a dry eye in the room...and I was overcome with memories of that scary and difficult time. But as hard as it was for the people witnessing it, it was that difficulty multiplied by a million for Jon, who fought with courage and grace. There are no words strong enough to describe what he went through, and he truly is recovering amazingly. I am so happy for him....he's a great guy with a full life ahead of him.
After Jon's party, we drove to southern Illinois where much of Michael's family was gathered for a get-together. Centralia, Illinois is home to a great hot-air balloon fest. I've never seen so many hot-air balloons gathered in one place. At night, the pilots "lit-up" their balloons so we could watch them glow, and then in the morning they flew the balloons right over the park. Seeing so many colorful, beautiful balloons flying through the air at once was amazing. I have a newfound respect for them (and their pilots) after seeing what it takes to get them filled, hoisted, and airborne. I'd definitely like to ride in one someday.
I'm ready and excited for a fall filled with music...the band just got back together for a rehearsal last night after not playing for over a month, and as always, our 'home-comings' feel so good. We're working on new arrangements, several new songs, and planning for the unprecedented 'Holiday show' we're playing in December. All I can say is there WILL be costumes...look out!
July 19, 2005
Shelter Gardens was an amazing gig, and served as one of the best birthday celebrations I've had in years. I was honored to have somewhere around a thousand or more people sing to me, the evening was beautiful despite the heat, the surrounding flowers and babble of water was a wonderful accent. At the end of the night, I realized how lucky I am to be able to celebrate with music, and to have so many friends who support and encourage me. I have such a full life, truly, and I think it hit me very hard this July 10th.
I also dodged a few age questions. Not that it's any big secret how old I am, but ever since I was a teenager I've marveled at how much we use age as a tool to judge others by, when the one thing we truly have absolutely no control over is when we are born. What changes in your perception of someone if they are older or younger than you thought? We should challenge our perceptions... I think it is interesting how a very young person with incredible talent is held up as the epitome of achievement in our culture, but that young person will age as inevitably as anyone else, they will celebrate one birthday every year just like you, and even if you only encounter their talent when they're in their thirties or forties or beyond, that doesn't mean they weren't a child prodigy, or that you wouldn't have been impressed at them at age 14. Talent should be ageless. Its maturation should be celebrated. We trade youth for other virtues. I don't say this because I feel like I'm old, just the opposite. I feel young and vital, a baby in fact, in an industry where everyone around me is listening to the ticking of the clock. Good songs are never written with a timer in front of you. Do you REALLY care how young I am? :)
Anyhow, on to another subject. I went to dinner with friends last Thursday night, and the girls and I sat around listening to music for hours after the meal was over. These two girls, Danielle and Lori, shared an experience with me that night that I haven't felt able to indulge in in years. I love sharing songs and artists with people who might not have heard of them before, and one of the artists I really wanted to introduce to Danielle and Lori that night was Patty Griffin, although I had a tremendous brain fart that night and kept thinking she was Nanci Griffith. Totally different artists, though both incredible in their own right of course. After leaving Danielle's house the night of the dinner party in utter frustration that I couldn't find (or even remember) what I was looking for, I suddenly pictured a cassette tape of this artist's music that my friend Phoebe had made for me and realized it was, after all, Patty. I went out and bought three of her albums and proceeded to discover that music still has the ability to throw my world into a fast spin, stand me on my head, make me fall in love again, make me weep while driving in my car, make me want to spread the joy I've found far and wide. I encourage anyone reading this who doesn't already know Patty to invite her music in. Patty Griffin is a consummate songwriter. Here are the lyrics to her song, "Long Ride Home." :
Long Black Limousine
Shiniest car I've ever seen
Back seat is nice and clean
She rides as quiet as a dream
Someone dug a hole six long feet in the ground
I said goodbye to you and I threw my roses down
Ain't nothing left at all at the end of being proud
With me riding in this car and you flying through them clouds
I've had some time to think about it
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home
One day I took your tiny hand
Put your finger in the wedding band
Daddy gave a piece of land
And we made ourselves the best of plans
Forty years go by with someone laying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare at the sky turning red
I've had some time to think about it
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home
Head lights searching down the driveway
The house as dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
And seems as empty as the inside of me
I've had some time to think about it
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home
-Patty Griffin
I also adore her song "Mary" and on my drive out west (where I currently am) I saw a HUGE statue of Mary atop a mountain in Montana and every lyric of the song rang truer than ever before. I have much more to write about in terms of our three day drive across the country, and my new musical inspiration, but it's late and I'm exhausted. I can hopefully plant in your mind the image of a magnificent white stone statue of Mary so huge it dwarfs two hundred year old trees, yet manages to seem only regal and beautiful, not gaudy or intrusive, no matter your religious beliefs. I think anyone can relate to the pain and loss Patty Griffin describes through the experience of Mary in this excerpt from the song:
Jesus said 'mother I couldn't stay another day longer'
And he flies right by and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels were singing his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place...
I also dodged a few age questions. Not that it's any big secret how old I am, but ever since I was a teenager I've marveled at how much we use age as a tool to judge others by, when the one thing we truly have absolutely no control over is when we are born. What changes in your perception of someone if they are older or younger than you thought? We should challenge our perceptions... I think it is interesting how a very young person with incredible talent is held up as the epitome of achievement in our culture, but that young person will age as inevitably as anyone else, they will celebrate one birthday every year just like you, and even if you only encounter their talent when they're in their thirties or forties or beyond, that doesn't mean they weren't a child prodigy, or that you wouldn't have been impressed at them at age 14. Talent should be ageless. Its maturation should be celebrated. We trade youth for other virtues. I don't say this because I feel like I'm old, just the opposite. I feel young and vital, a baby in fact, in an industry where everyone around me is listening to the ticking of the clock. Good songs are never written with a timer in front of you. Do you REALLY care how young I am? :)
Anyhow, on to another subject. I went to dinner with friends last Thursday night, and the girls and I sat around listening to music for hours after the meal was over. These two girls, Danielle and Lori, shared an experience with me that night that I haven't felt able to indulge in in years. I love sharing songs and artists with people who might not have heard of them before, and one of the artists I really wanted to introduce to Danielle and Lori that night was Patty Griffin, although I had a tremendous brain fart that night and kept thinking she was Nanci Griffith. Totally different artists, though both incredible in their own right of course. After leaving Danielle's house the night of the dinner party in utter frustration that I couldn't find (or even remember) what I was looking for, I suddenly pictured a cassette tape of this artist's music that my friend Phoebe had made for me and realized it was, after all, Patty. I went out and bought three of her albums and proceeded to discover that music still has the ability to throw my world into a fast spin, stand me on my head, make me fall in love again, make me weep while driving in my car, make me want to spread the joy I've found far and wide. I encourage anyone reading this who doesn't already know Patty to invite her music in. Patty Griffin is a consummate songwriter. Here are the lyrics to her song, "Long Ride Home." :
Long Black Limousine
Shiniest car I've ever seen
Back seat is nice and clean
She rides as quiet as a dream
Someone dug a hole six long feet in the ground
I said goodbye to you and I threw my roses down
Ain't nothing left at all at the end of being proud
With me riding in this car and you flying through them clouds
I've had some time to think about it
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home
One day I took your tiny hand
Put your finger in the wedding band
Daddy gave a piece of land
And we made ourselves the best of plans
Forty years go by with someone laying in your bed
Forty years of things you say you wish you'd never said
How hard would it have been to say some kinder words instead
I wonder as I stare at the sky turning red
I've had some time to think about it
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home
Head lights searching down the driveway
The house as dark as it can be
I go inside and all is silent
And seems as empty as the inside of me
I've had some time to think about it
And watch the sun sink like a stone
I've had some time to think about you
On the long ride home
-Patty Griffin
I also adore her song "Mary" and on my drive out west (where I currently am) I saw a HUGE statue of Mary atop a mountain in Montana and every lyric of the song rang truer than ever before. I have much more to write about in terms of our three day drive across the country, and my new musical inspiration, but it's late and I'm exhausted. I can hopefully plant in your mind the image of a magnificent white stone statue of Mary so huge it dwarfs two hundred year old trees, yet manages to seem only regal and beautiful, not gaudy or intrusive, no matter your religious beliefs. I think anyone can relate to the pain and loss Patty Griffin describes through the experience of Mary in this excerpt from the song:
Jesus said 'mother I couldn't stay another day longer'
And he flies right by and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels were singing his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place...
June 30, 2005
Now that the band's got a blog, I guess I have to keep up? That's not really fair since it's 6 against 1, but I will do my best.
I just finished my stint as one of the judge's for Mid-Missouri Idol. Tonight's finale was a tough call, because there was a lot of talent onstage. The ultimate winner scored points with me because he wrote and arranged his own song for the competition. "Idol" is seemingly anti to everything I am striving for in my career, but I loved getting to hear all these great singers and it was admittedly a heck of a fun time. I'm so glad they asked me to be part of it...I met some fabulous people and had a bit too much of an amaretto sour tropical liquer after the show! So forgive me if this blog is rambling, nonsensical, or just plain random, it's the drink talking!
On a serious note, one of the reasons I've been out of commission on the blogs for a while is that our neighbor and good friend passed away just a few weeks ago, and it was devastatingly difficult. We visited him in the hospital the day before his death, and although it was a beautiful and comforting thing to get to say everything we wanted to say, and to see his cancer-riddled body finally escape into peace was a relief, it was so difficult to say that final goodbye. How do you turn your back that last time? I leaned over Maurice's bed, looked into his eyes, and promised him I'd be writing him a song, commemorating the way in which he touched so many lives. Polite and thinking of others 'til the end, he said, "why thank you!" He told us we could still keep mowing his lawn, and that he'd be keeping an eye on our houses, too. There we were, laughing even at the endtimes.
His family said the CD that was in his car stereo when they went through it after his death, was one of mine: Come In, Come In, I believe. While it brought me comfort to know he enjoyed my music, that CD also served as a painful reminder that he'd not drive in that car and turn on that stereo again. The tie that bound us on this earth was in some way represented by that CD, and now the bond is broken. We miss him very much.
It seems wrong to jump into any other topic from that one, in fact it is strange that I started this blog talking about Mid-MO Idol and THEN spoke of Maurice. I'm not going to erase the first part of this blog though....it was the vehicle that drove me to this point, and I think Maurice is the true story, what I really what I wanted to talk about. But it's so hard for me to face loss of any kind, I sometimes have to shut down all the pathways, all the outlets, all the songs, all the writing, all the stories, or it just hurts too much. I think of how hard it is to leave the house, look across the street, and know he won't ever come loping out of that house again. I think of our experience with him in the hospital during his last days, and it reminds me of being an eleven-year-old girl saying goodbye to my grandpa, who also died of cancer. All I could say at that time, through the fear and confusion, was "I love you Grandpa." Does he know I was there? He responded, and I wonder if it brought him any comfort, the only grandchild of 5 who was able to at least stand by his bedside and kiss his cheek. And then I think of my brother, to whom I never got to say goodbye, to whom I never even apologized for our last fight, whom I hadn't hugged for far too long, and I wonder if he and Grandpa are partying somewhere only they know.
OK....where did this come from? Obviously there's been more on my mind than I realized. But blog time must end for now, or this pathway will lead me to the cliff's edge! :) I have much more to write about, but in deference to those I've lost and am thinking about tonight, I will sign off and say to them: goodnight, sweet princes.
I just finished my stint as one of the judge's for Mid-Missouri Idol. Tonight's finale was a tough call, because there was a lot of talent onstage. The ultimate winner scored points with me because he wrote and arranged his own song for the competition. "Idol" is seemingly anti to everything I am striving for in my career, but I loved getting to hear all these great singers and it was admittedly a heck of a fun time. I'm so glad they asked me to be part of it...I met some fabulous people and had a bit too much of an amaretto sour tropical liquer after the show! So forgive me if this blog is rambling, nonsensical, or just plain random, it's the drink talking!
On a serious note, one of the reasons I've been out of commission on the blogs for a while is that our neighbor and good friend passed away just a few weeks ago, and it was devastatingly difficult. We visited him in the hospital the day before his death, and although it was a beautiful and comforting thing to get to say everything we wanted to say, and to see his cancer-riddled body finally escape into peace was a relief, it was so difficult to say that final goodbye. How do you turn your back that last time? I leaned over Maurice's bed, looked into his eyes, and promised him I'd be writing him a song, commemorating the way in which he touched so many lives. Polite and thinking of others 'til the end, he said, "why thank you!" He told us we could still keep mowing his lawn, and that he'd be keeping an eye on our houses, too. There we were, laughing even at the endtimes.
His family said the CD that was in his car stereo when they went through it after his death, was one of mine: Come In, Come In, I believe. While it brought me comfort to know he enjoyed my music, that CD also served as a painful reminder that he'd not drive in that car and turn on that stereo again. The tie that bound us on this earth was in some way represented by that CD, and now the bond is broken. We miss him very much.
It seems wrong to jump into any other topic from that one, in fact it is strange that I started this blog talking about Mid-MO Idol and THEN spoke of Maurice. I'm not going to erase the first part of this blog though....it was the vehicle that drove me to this point, and I think Maurice is the true story, what I really what I wanted to talk about. But it's so hard for me to face loss of any kind, I sometimes have to shut down all the pathways, all the outlets, all the songs, all the writing, all the stories, or it just hurts too much. I think of how hard it is to leave the house, look across the street, and know he won't ever come loping out of that house again. I think of our experience with him in the hospital during his last days, and it reminds me of being an eleven-year-old girl saying goodbye to my grandpa, who also died of cancer. All I could say at that time, through the fear and confusion, was "I love you Grandpa." Does he know I was there? He responded, and I wonder if it brought him any comfort, the only grandchild of 5 who was able to at least stand by his bedside and kiss his cheek. And then I think of my brother, to whom I never got to say goodbye, to whom I never even apologized for our last fight, whom I hadn't hugged for far too long, and I wonder if he and Grandpa are partying somewhere only they know.
OK....where did this come from? Obviously there's been more on my mind than I realized. But blog time must end for now, or this pathway will lead me to the cliff's edge! :) I have much more to write about, but in deference to those I've lost and am thinking about tonight, I will sign off and say to them: goodnight, sweet princes.
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